Here’s a quick update…

Bec’s surgery
The surgery itself seemed to go off without a hitch. The doctor came out and spoke to me and he seemed very happy with the outcome. He said he was able to remove everything he was supposed to without disrupting anything else. He said she’d have some pain, but that she should be feeling better by Monday.

About two hours after that chat, they called me back to be with Bec in the recovery room. That’s where things got interesting. She had a very difficult time with recovery today due to some complications. The nurses were expecting us to be ready to leave after just an hour or so, but it actually took several more hours. Bec experienced some of the worst pain she’s ever had during those hours in recovery, and she came home still feeling pretty bad.

This evening she’s been able to rest for the most part. She’s still in quite a bit of pain. Of course, some pain is expected, and we don’t really think anything is out of the ordinary at this point. She’s taking her pain meds and trying to rest as much as possible.

Nursing
Tomorrow morning Bec’s going to try to resume her nursing schedule with the triplets.  It seems counterintuitive, but she is completely capable of nursing after the hysterectomy. Apparently nothing that affects the milk supply is removed during the procedure. So, she’s been planning to continue nursing.

The fact that she wanted to continue nursing caused a lot of issues during today’s surgery and recovery. It seemed to affect just about everything: from choosing the time the surgery was scheduled for to the meds they gave her afterward. We’re anxious to see if all these compromises paid off and if she can resume nursing without any troubles.

Thanks again for your constant prayers and encouragement!

Doug (for Bec)

THE TRIPS
The triplets turned one. YEAH!! Now -  CRY!!!!! Where does the time go? In some respects, this is hard to swallow. My children are no longer tiny infants. How’d that happen? With triplets – breastfeeding triplets – and a homeschooled 8 year old, many days have faded away in survival mode. And now that they are gone, I beat myself up for not savoring the days. Days with my last babies. We’re still nursing and the babies are growing well. All are cruising the furniture. Alayna is up to 6 steps! All of them are waving hi and bye and clapping. Alayna and Caleb both say ‘Uh-oh!’ and they both say, ‘What?’ – Strange, I know. It’s because I often pop my head around the corner or the playroom and loudly yell "What?" when everyone is jabbering away. Alayna is our most interactive one, loving to copy us, play games, and unfortunately, talk back to me when she’s mad. I don’t know her exact choice of words, but I KNOW she’s mad! The babies love to fight and play and laugh with each other. I’ve even seen 2 signs of affection from Alayna and Caleb – both offering a pacifier to an upset sibling! (Oh yeah, melt my heart!) Charlie remains more baby-like compared to the other two. Charlie’s hair’s been growing quickly, making for 3 little hair cuts already. He still struggles from time to time settling down at nap. He adores Momma’s milk! Caleb is still the cuddler, with expressive eyebrows, and is very sensitive to when the others get disciplined. Alayna still adores eating black beans, playing peek-a-boo, and giving kisses. She remains the observant one, never willing to sit still for even a second in your lap for fear she’ll miss out on something happening in the room.

Alayna weighed in at 17lbs 13oz. Caleb was 16lbs 3oz (He’s so tiny!). And Charlie was 19lbs. The babies still haven’t had grains. We’ll be starting this week with yogurt to see how Alayna does with it considering she has a mild milk allergy. Then, we’ll start delving into some grains and then bananas and eggs (Alayna’s allergic to those as well.)

We enjoyed a drop by birthday party for the triplets at our church with some friends, mostly from small group. It was so nice to celebrate their lives with the friends who prayed for the adoption, my pregnancy and our first year. It wasn’t an extravagant to-do, but fun nonetheless. We decorated with blue, pink, and green polkadots and balloons. We set up their newborn pictures everywhere. Friends and family all contributed food and we had a good ole’ time.

LATELY
Last Thursday I found myself at the doctor because of an ovarian cyst. I hate those stupid things. The doctor says it’s my body’s last hurrah; one last confirmation that I need my hysterectomy on Friday. Doctor says the only thing to do is to move up the surgery for relief. Small snag though. The surgeon is in Guatemala. So, I wait…

Friday, mom and dad graciously took the triplets to the pediatrician for their 12 month check-up. Only triplet moms can truly relate to the massive undertaking of taking 3 crabby, hungry, mobile babies to the doctor for simultaneous strip-downs, weigh-ins, measurements, developmental surveys, questionnaires, a shot, and then exams. It’s tougher than any marathon you’ve ever attempted!

We had huge plans in the makings for a celebration for Audrey to commemorate her finish of 3rd grade and her accomplishments for the year and on her achievement tests. But because of the cyst and back spasms, we curtailed the plans a bit. We took her to Red Robin for lunch, out to buy shoes, the park, and then to Gigi’s for a cupcake.

Sunday we had to head out of town for a wedding. We decided last minute to leave the babies with a sitter. 9 1/2 hours is a lot to pay for a sitter of triplets! But, I couldn’t imagine taking them to an outdoor wedding in the heat for that length of time.

Today was the delivery of cabinets, sinks, countertops. My garage is full of tiles, grout, faucets, showerheads, drawer pulls, light fixtures, etc. Paint chips are pinned to the wall in hopes that one just magically reveals itself to me as the ‘right’ one. Renovations start on Friday. Guess what? We still don’t have the tub or toilet for one of the bathrooms.

LIFE WITHOUT SADIE
All throughout this last week, we’ve been mourning the loss of our dear dog Sadie. We had to put her down, after nearly 12 years of faithful companionship. She was a great dog. We loved her dearly. No doubt, she is Doug’s and my dog – especially mine. She ‘s been with us since before we had children. She heard all my tears of infertility. She was with us through church changes, job switches, 12+ surgeries, death of loved ones, the birth of all 4 of our kids, and every other major milestone of our marriage. Now that she is gone, I realize just how much I talked to her every day, all day long. I miss her warmth, her softness, her smiling panting, her tail wagging, the sounds of her ringing the bell when she needed to go outside, her snoring at night, her shadowing me throughout the day, her help licking up spills on the kitchen floor….. After a week, the house still feels eerily quiet when all the children are in bed. Doug and I feel the void especially at bed time, morning, and of course, after dinner, when she always begged Doug for a rub down while he drank his evening coffee. I think it’ll be months before I wake up and step out of bed without picking up my feet to make sure I don’t step on her. It’s strange how at times I could swear I hear her, feel her, or see her still about the house. I’d be liar if I didn’t tell you that I’ve cried a river this last week as I’ve missed her, longed for her, questioned our decision, remembered funny stories, and recalled the whole ordeal of taking her to the vet and holding her while they put her to sleep. It’s just an animal, I tell myself. Yet it’s strange how much she loved me and I loved her. It’s ironic that an animal can be more faithful and reliable than some friends and family. Life will go on, but for now, it still hurts and sometimes, there will just be a few tears.

EMBRYO ADOPTION
This week we had to sign over and release the one last embryo that is Alayna, Caleb, and Charlie’s biological sibling. I could never really adequately explain all the thoughts and emotions around this. It’s been far more gut-wrenching than I could’ve imagined and so, I do not think it’s even appropriate for me to open my soul for an explanation. Suffice it to say, it has broken my heart. That embryo was never ‘ours’;it was simply reserved for us should we decide to have another embryo transfer. I cannot due to health reasons. I never agreed to adopt a family. That’s not the way the program works. In the vast frozen sea of hundreds of thousands of embryos, I attempted to save 1. God happened to grant me 3 out of 4. But it ‘feels’ like I’m giving up a baby. It ‘feels’ like I am giving that one up for adoption. I know that’s not reality. I know it. But when I look into Alayna, Caleb, and Charlie’s eyes, I see little people. Diverse and yet similar. And my brain wanders to that last little Korean/Swedish baby of unknown origin and I wonder if it’s a boy or a girl. Does it look Asian like Charlie? Or is it more Swedish like Alayna and Caleb? I’ve begun to not see it as an embryo. But as my kids’ sibling. And I want to be his/her momma too. I wonder what my triplets will ask me someday. And wonder if they’ll ask me about that one. I won’t even know if it ever got adopted or if it ended in a live birth. And I hate that. I know that I need to keep the whole thing in proper perspective. I know that it doesn’t make sense to take that one. That one is no different than the hundreds of thousands of unwanted frozen embryos out there waiting for a mom and dad. I can’t save every baby. I could never have known that I would end up with triplets. I didn’t adopt that family of embryos. I randomly said to start with that group of embryos. And it worked out that I got 3 of the 4. I also have to remember that I it’s not even possible to go through a transfer cycle with just 1 embryo. The NEDC doesn’t do it like that. AND it’s all a moot point since I’m about to have a hysterectomy this week. Argghh! But I find my momma heart yearning for this child. Yearning to teach it about God. To show him/her to the cute triplet siblings it has. I need to think of it as letting it go so that it has the opportunity to have life. But, it ‘feels’ like I’m rejecting it, denying it life.

HYSTERECTOMY
This whole situation leads into my bittersweet decision to have a hysterectomy. I knew 10 years ago that a hysterectomy was in my future. The doctor told me that I would never make it to 30 without one. I’m 34. And I had triplets at 33! I should view it all as an accomplishment -a super special extension that God granted to us. I should be thrilled to leave the constant misery of bleeding, ovarian cysts, endometriosis, pain, surgeries, medications, inflammation, and sickness behind. And I am. Since I was 17, this is really all I’ve ever known. A constant pain in the butt. A constant thorn in my side. And so I’m eagerly anticipating to know what life will be like. I’m anxious to know what energy lies in wait for me since I won’t have the constant inflammation of aggressive, stage 4 endometriosis draining my immune system of all its resources. I may feel like a new woman! My doctor feels as though much of my aches and pains, fatigue, propensity for catching bugs, my inability to recover from illnesses may all be rooted in my endometriosis. He says to think of it the same way as if I had strep throat for the past 18 years. A constant infection my body is fighting. And according to 3 specialists, I have the worst endo they’ve ever seen (Go me!!!). Since I’ve now been fighting endo more than half of my life, I’ve forgotten what healthy means. So, we shall see…..

But then there’s the ‘bitter’ part of the bittersweet decision to have my surgery. No more babies. For 13 years of our marriage, Doug and I have poured countless hours, tears, and dollars into preserving my fertility and trying to have babies. This is all our marriage has ever known. Yes, we’re eager to leave that weight behind us, but it seems counterintuitive now to choose to end it all. We pined for kids for more than a decade and now we’re putting finality to it all. I know that there is less than 1% chance I’d ever conceive again, so it shouldn’t make much of a difference. But it does. Folks look at our brood and the chaos we call home and ask, ‘Isn’t your family complete?’ or ‘Aren’t you done?’. Well, yes. I guess. For now anyway. For now, we aren’t pursuing more kids. But I know , sooner than later, the ‘I want a baby’-blues will hit. I don’t know what the future holds and if God leads us down an adoption road. For now, we’re done! But I hate the finality of never being able to carry a child. Never again will I feel a baby wiggle, kick, and hiccup inside of me. And I hate that. I hate that nothing about our family has been up to us. Never in our hands. But I suppose that’s just my type A, control freak, sinful nature rearing it’s bogusly ugly head. Some families have it so easy – having children when they want, good health, with the wife having a natural journey of fertility, hormones, menopause, etc. Not me. And so I guess I wish I were just a smidge normal. Funny huh? Still wishing to be normal. You’re reading this and thinking I should’ve given that up years ago, eh!?

So, I’m nervous about the pain of the surgery. Our doctor says this will be a real ‘doozy’. He will be removing my uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes. He’ll tighten up the ligaments and fix the cervix. This is repair work all necessary since carrying the triplets reeked havoc on my insides, messed with my bladder, and caused a prolapsed uterus. The doctor will also be removing the endometriosis. Fun times. It’s especially ‘fun’ when I’m faced with continuing to nurse the triplets. This has become a huge concern for me, a real matter of prayer. I really need surgery to be scheduled at a good time on Friday so that I can nurse the babies before I leave in the morning. I need to not be kept waiting all day for surgery without being able to eat and drink. Nursing triplets makes me one thirsty, hungry girl. I need the proper medications that allow me to nurse and not have to pump and dump my milk. And I need the babies to be calm and obedient, not wiggly on me when they go to nurse.

We’ll be staying with my folks for 2 weeks while I recover and renovations are done in our house. This is also stressful for me. I hate knowing that I’ll be putting my parents out for such a long time. I hate knowing that while I’m laid up somewhere else, strangers will be in my house gutting bathrooms, tracking dust everywhere, cutting out portions of my kitchen ceiling, and traipsing through my bedroom all day long – without me there to monitor it all. I’m praying my mom can keep up with the pace of the kids and that Doug can balance work, a sick wife, and renovations at the house. I’m also praying that the triplets sleep well in their pack and plays for 2 weeks. Recovery doesn’t sound so sweet with 3 irritable babies who hate their make-shift beds.

I’m also concerned for Audrey. In her 8 years of life, I’ve had 12 surgeries. I’m not the ‘fun’ mom I so often want to be for her. I dream of being able to let her be on a swim team, take piano lessons, get to church Sunday night, and have gobs of sleepovers. But my health doesn’t permit me to be like all her friends. I hate that I’m not like my friends – but I’m a little older and have had a lifetime to realize that my health doesn’t permit much of a social life. She’s only 8. She’ll be missing Memorial Day on the river with small group. And more than likely, she’ll miss Back Yard Bible Club at our church. She LOVES those. LOVES them, I tell you. And Momma has to say ‘sorry’ AGAIN.

Audrey does have some mild nearsightedness in one eye and a bit of astigmatism. However the doctor feels it is best to let her wait 1 more year before we do glasses. Audrey is relieved. She doesn’t mind the prospect of glasses, but for now, glasses would be a bother for her. Just something else to keep up with. Something else, along with her LONG hair, to keep the babies from yanking on. Audrey did get her eyes dilated today. It’s been 10 hours since it was done and she still has pupils the size of quarters.

Alayna doesn’t have a lazy eye. It’s Pseudostrabismus. Go ahead – say that 3 times really quickly! Ha! Basically it means that she has a false appearance of misaligned eyes. It is common in infants, and is due to a wide bridge of the nose and small folds of the eyelid skin on the nasal side of the eye contributing to this misaligned look by covering a portion of the white of her eye. As she matures, this will improve and may even disappear. When she is tired and that eyelid droops, that may just be something she’ll have all her life. It doesn’t droop too much. It’s just part of her!

Charlie has been feeling yuck today. Poor thing. He’s been having diarrhea all day. This isn’t one of my more favorite things to deal with. He’s on outfit numero 3 and we still have one more feeding to go. My mom gave him a bath today and I’m just predicting another one in her very near future.

Tonight I made Audrey take a bath. She’s getting her legs casted in the morning, so I wanted her legs spiffy before they became entombed for 3 weeks! I even clipped her toenails, removed remnants of old nail polish. And she informed me she cleaned her legs 3 time with 3 different methods, 1 for each week they’d be in her cast. Ah, she makes me giggle. For those that know her love for cleanliness, you’re giggling too. And of course, if you know me, you’re giggle at me, since you know she learns these things from me. I let her put glow sticks in the water and bathe in the dark. Wahoo! I’m hoping that this sort of makes up for a little bit of a poopy day for her – maybe that wasn’t the best choice of words in light of the above paragraph. She hadn’t planned on getting her eyes dilated and it’s been a big nuisance for her. She wanted to play outside one last time before getting her casts on. But she couldn’t stand the sunlight. And then we couldn’t find sunglasses. By the time we found an old pair of mine that would stay on her head, she stepped outside and, literally, it started thundering within 60 seconds. She struggled to do her school work because of her vision. Not that fun of a day.

I think this weekend Doug and I are going to go out to dinner. Yeah! We can’t be gone too long. After having mastitis last week, I really can’t afford to miss a feeding. Skipping nursings is not easy. It’s not like I’m missing out on ‘just 1 nursing’. Nope. It’s more like ‘not feeding 3 mouths’. The volume of milk makes it difficult to skip. I hate to mention it to Doug, but we may need to run and get some clothes for the children. Last year I didn’t buy Audrey clothes. But I don’t think she can wear her clothes for a 3rd summer. I also need to get the boys some clothes. I don’t have 1 summer thing for them. And trust me, it’s totally summer here. It has been for a few weeks. We already saw 87degrees on the thermometer. The fleece stuff I have for them, might be a little much! So yeah- shopping for the kids. On our date. It’s the new ‘norm’ for us.

Keeping in mind that nothing is too small or too silly to take to the Lord in prayer, I’m now asking God to stop Itty Bitty Cupcake from biting me. Doug reminds me that if God can shut the mouths of lions and protect Daniel, he can protect me from the bites of my children. Thankfully, Caleb hasn’t bitten me in weeks, but Alayna now thinks this is acceptable. She believes this to be a good way to communicate to me that she does NOT like being the last one to nurse at a feeding. She squirms, kicks, screams, and bites. So, we’ll see where this behavior takes us. I am bound and determined to teach her that this is wrong. But I’m afraid we may be having to supplement her when it’s her turn to be last. But, I’m still praying that God will teach her patience in this area.

Oh, I think, maybe, just maybe, Caleb is saying "Momma". I pray this is so. For 8 1/2 years I’ve been raising a child who has lived and breathed for her daddy. She always crawled to him, walked for him, cries for him, calls for him, and adores her daddy. I’ve tried to not mind playing 2nd fiddle. But I confess, hearing ma-ma-ma-ma when I walk away from Caleb, makes my heart oosh and goosh and my feet want to happy dance.

We all 6 just recovered from a cold virus. Within a span of about 24 hours, it had laid waste to every one of us. I was nervous the pets were going to get sick or do something stupid, because there was no way I had 1 teeny ounce of energy or stamina to deal with them!

AUDREY
Audrey will be going to the eye doctor tomorrow. It looks as though she will be getting glasses. I watched her read the eye chart at the pediatrician, and her one eye failed miserably. – Or maybe she passed and it’s actually me!?!?

Audrey will be having both of her legs casted on Friday. She has what doctors call Idiopathic Toe Walking. I almost got a little defensive for my child thinking it had something to do with being an idiot. Big word meaning she habitually walks on her tip toes. We noticed when she was a small toddler that she had quite a fascination for her tip toes. For a long time we thought it was quirky, cute, and just a phase. Through the years, this propensity for toe walking proved to be quite difficult for Doug and I to break her of. Honestly, I thought she would just grow out of it. I thought if we explained it to her enough, warned her of the potential problems down the road, and reminded her enough, she’d stop. And suddenly, I realized the child was 8 1/2 years old, walking through the house with an infant on her hip – and up on her tip toes.

For lots of Idiopathic Toe Walkers, they can’t really walk normally. For Audrey, it’s a little more that she won’t walk normal. She’s capable for the most part, she just doesn’t. And because she has been doing it for long so, it’s more comfortable for her now that certain muscles have gotten weak in time and others have gotten stronger. Now, her Achilles tendon is just barely starting to shorten as she grows. After running and playing, or just at the end of the day, her legs and feet start to hurt. Think of it as a little child, constantly growing, and living her life in stiletto heels. Ouch. Physical therapy to strengthen and stretch her Achilles tendon and such may help a tad; however it wouldn’t break her of the habit.

So for 3 weeks her legs will be in casts, preventing her from walking on her toes. This cold turkey approach will hopefully break the cycle of toe walking, give rest to the areas of her feet and legs that have for so long been overworked, and actually weaken her monstrous calf muscles. If Audrey never learned to walk on her feet normally, as she grew her Achilles tendon would become very short and tight, totally preventing her from walking normally no matter how hard she tried. And she’d would have to have surgery. So, we are working to prevent that for her. There is the possibility that she will revert to toe walking after the casts come off, but we’ll just cross that proverbial road when we get there.

She is slightly excited about it…..because they’ll be pink. It’s the mind of an 8 year old. I on the other hand? I’m not as thrilled. I wish I had jumped on this in years past- you know, like before I had 3 babies! Now, for 3 weeks, I’ll be losing my biggest helper. Plus, I’ll be having to help her bathe. And I’m already anticipating the complaining. Granted, it’ll be a good lesson for her. I just feel a little lazy, I suppose. I have so many other things going on, that I don’t feel up for it. We hadn’t anticipated it being 85degrees out in March, so I sure hope she doesn’t get too hot.

ALAYNA
Alayna will be seeing a pediatric ophthalmologist tomorrow. It seems like her left eye is a bit lazy. We tend to notice it more when she is sleepy. Our pediatrician agreed with me, but said it was a little harder for him to diagnose since she is half Korean and the space between her eyes is wide. So, he thought it prudent to have a specialist take a look at her.

Alayna has been having a terrible time with eczema. She gets it particularly bad on the backs of her legs and the back of her neck. In the last couple of weeks, it has been causing open, weeping sores. Poor baby! She has figured out how to scratch her neck and will scratch until it bleeds. I’ve been hearing that soaking baths are good for her, but I don’t have time to bath her 1-2x/day! That sounds so terrible to say, especially when I think of her poor blistered, red legs. But I do try to bathe her, keeping her skin covered with water at all times, quickly applying organic lotion with no fragrance or junk. I apply lotion to her 2-4x/day. As it gets warmer, I find it even trickier. I want to keep her from getting hot. But if I put her in something that exposes her skin and she crawls on the carpet, the carpet fibers irritate her skin. I’m starting to wonder if I need to keep my house cool and keep her in long sleeves and pants that are made of 100% cotton.

CHARLIE
Charlie will be going to the doctor next week. Several months ago we noticed Charlie having some random shivering motions. We thought it was odd that he’d occasionally shiver while drifting off to sleep. Then a couple weeks ago, he started to shake his head. It’s almost like he is shaking his head ‘no’. But I thought it was strange that he stops nursing to do it. Then a couple days ago, he’s begun tensing up his neck, shoulders, and arms in strange episodes. It could be totally nothing! We’ve tried to capture it on video for our pediatrician. We’ve mentioned it to our doctor, and so far there hasn’t been any real reason for concern. The doctor feels reassured about Charlie’s growth, development, and skill acquisition. These strange muscle movements could just be unique to Charlie as he grows and learns control over his body. He could just be finding a strange fascination with certain movements. However, we’d be fools to not look into it and make sure there isn’t something wrong.

CALEB
Caleb continues to be our little guy. There is a stark difference between him and the other two. Caleb eats like a horse. He nurses 4 times a day and has 4 solid food meals. And I do mean ‘meals’. I’ve been known to feed him 8-10oz of food and he still cries for more. The doctor says to feed him until he won’t open his mouth any more. I don’t think that’s possible! Caleb must have some wicked awesome metabolism, let me tell you.. Further proof that this little guy doesn’t not have my genes!

MULTIPLES
It’s so odd with triplets. There is always comparing going on. I’m starting to shudder at this tendency. I probably wouldn’t be bothered by Charlie’s bald spot if the other two’s hadn’t grown in. I wouldn’t notice Charlie’s early rising, if the other two didn’t sleep later. I wouldn’t notice that Alayna and Charlie are so slow to pick up finger foods, if Caleb weren’t so good at it. I might not have noticed Charlie’s strange motions if he were an only child. But I see that the others don’t do it. If Caleb were my only baby, I might think he’s just a calorie burner and big eater. But compared with the other two, he seems so tiny to me. I want to break myself of this habit. I can only imagine what their lives will be like someday when we homeschool. Oy vey.

BEC
Well then. There’s me. And I’m just a bundle of problems!

I’ll be going to the doctor about some ridiculous headaches I’m having. I’m not sure if they are related to all the fresh fruits and veggies I’m eating that I’m allergic to, or hormones, or fatigue, or what. I just know I can’t do this.

My allergies – well, they’re what you would expect from a gal who’s extremely allergic to everything, living in the city that tops the charts for the single worst place to live with seasonal allergies. <Just cough an obligatory, vicarious cough for me…and a sniff too, while you’re at it.>

I need a hysterectomy. I have endometriosis again that is causing pain. Since I’ve had 7 surgeries for it before (almost always finding it to be stage 4 –most advanced), repair surgeries cannot be done anymore. I need a complete hysterectomy removing everything but the cervix. The doctor thinks the sooner I do it the better since endometriosis has reeked much havoc on my immune system since the age of 17. He thinks it’s in my best interest to restore as much energy as I can ASAP so that I can better cope with raising the triplets. He is absolutely convinced the endometriosis is a huge reason why I’m always so achy, tired, prone to getting sick, and unable to recover quickly from colds, infections, surgeries, etc.

I do have a prolapsed uterus. It’s mild for now. It is causing some bladder issues, low back issues, and other ‘fun’ stuff. It’ll only get worse, especially as I workout getting my back stronger from the pregnancy. He’s suggesting for now he do some work on the ligaments while doing the hysterectomy and removing the endometriosis. Hopefully this will solve the problem and I won’t need the mesh procedure at all or at least for several years.

I do have a fairly severe case of diastasis recti – separation of the abdominal muscles. Basically, my “six-pack abs” are split down the middle vertically, and probably won’t come back together. I did about 10 weeks of physical therapy and it improved somewhat. I REALLY want this to get fixed, but insurance won’t cover something like this. Right now my physical therapist think my stomach muscles are seriously compromising the strength of my back. And they think that the muscle fatigue and burning in my stomach would be eliminated if I had surgery. So I have more of a case than someone who wants it fixed for cosmetic reasons! It would be awesome to have this fixed for stability and strength issues – and yes, for purely vain reasons. I don’t really enjoy the look I’ve got going post-partum! I can only thank the Lord that the scars, sags, and ugliness are a very small price to pay for my 3 little babies.

I have a torn labrum in my hip. Also resulting from the pregnancy. I may try a little more physical therapy in hopes of trying to get it to heal itself, but if we can’t get that to heal, it’ll be another surgery. I keep having terrible groin pain and sensations of it catching. I cannot sit Indian style anymore!!

The rib that I broke a few years ago, wants to constantly dislocate since delivering the triplets. It leads to horrendous back spasms and pain. For now, I’m trying to just get stronger and learn techniques for relocating/correcting it myself. I’m also struggling with iliolumbar syndrome. It’s an inflammation in a ligament that causes a slipping of a particular vertebra, pain in my back and in my leg.

These are the biggies, I guess! At least these are the issues that I am needing to think about in the very near future. I think I will shoot for a hysterectomy/endometriosis/ligament surgery at the end of May. Since I need a lot of help, this schedule best fits my parents’ schedule. I do plan on continuing to nurse after the surgery.

I adore Alayna, Caleb, and Charlie, but carrying them really did a number on me. It’s been very slow going for me and frustrating. I didn’t anticipate quite this many problems. I wish I could reduce some pain and have more energy to keep up with them. I won’t deny that I have been quite discouraged. It’s very, very difficult to take things one day at a time, when I know that my children are going to need a healthy mom today, tomorrow, the next day, the next day, the next day……

Alayna weighed in at 15lbs 6oz. Because he eczema continues to flare, the doctor thinks I should hold off on any type of yogurt, cottage cheese, or cheese until she’s a year old, due to her milk allergy. Her diet is probably not like most babies her age, since she has an allergy to milk, eggs, and bananas, and since we do not do any grains – cereal, pasta, bread, Cheerios, etc. She is being referred to a pediatric ophthalmologist for her left eye that tends to be a smidge lazy. We notice it most when she is tired. Alayna is up to 4 teeth. Alayna is still fearful of folks she doesn’t know. She’s acquired lots of nicknames – Layney bird, Layney, cupcake, and pretty-pretty. She learned this past weekend how to get herself into a sitting position as well as to pull up and stand. One morning this week, Doug went in to wake Alayna in the morning and she had sat up at some point and then bent over with her head in her lap and fell back asleep. I know she’s a baby, but sometimes I see stuff like that and can’t help but audibly exclaim, OUCH! She ma-ma-ma-ma. I want to believe she can assign that to me, but when I see her saying that to her socks (her favorite toys), I know I’m only kidding myself with serious disillusions!

Caleb weighed in at 14lbs 10z. He’s the leanest of the 3, even though he eats considerably more than the other 2. Since, he’s growing in height, the doctor isn’t concerned. The doctor thinks Caleb is just so active, he needs all the calories he can get. He still continues to bite me when nursing. This is not cool! Only once did he bite so hard, it inflicted a major wound complete with bloodshed. While thankfully he hasn’t repeated this type of serious bite, he does still bite down every other day causing me pain. Obviously. I’ve taken to flicking his mouth, meanly saying no, isolating him from the family, and making him wait to eat. So far, he’s proven fairly obstinate. Caleb is getting quite brave with trying to climb a little as well as cruising the furniture. Caleb is still the most pacifier-dependent of the 3. He’s taken to cutting all his teeth (6 now) via his crib rail. Oh yeah – it’s a pretty woodworking design he’s created. :-/

Charlie weighed in at 16lbs 10oz. He’s the big boy! I do think the boy’s bald spot is finally filling in. YEAH! I do so love his black hair, especially after a bath and it is so fluffy. Charlie has figured out how to pull up and stand. Right now he is in the crazy stage of standing up all the time and then getting frustrated/scared to sit back down. So, lots of tears. Funny that we went through this with Caleb way back in late November, early December I think it was. Charlie’s still the smiley boy, not shy of anyone. He greatly enjoys fruits and isn’t necessarily a big, big fan of savory items. We still call him "Charlie boy" almost all the time. Charlie is usually the first to wake in the mornings. The last couple of days, he’s also been decorating his crib with various teeth art, but not nearly to the extent that Caleb has.

What happened to the idea of finger food?
One very perplexing thing has been why in tarnation the babies won’t feed themselves. Everyday I give them things on their tray for self-feeding. Occasionally they’ll play with them. Sometimes even pick up a few pieces. Only a couple times have they tried to put 1 piece in their mouth. It’s so strange. At this age, Audrey did most of her eating by herself. I’ve tried to show the babies how to eat, put food in their hands, put food in their mouths from off the tray, but they are all 3 all about the spoon. I would love if they learned to feed themselves.

Buy food, make food, eat food
Many years ago, my nephew (who’s now somehow almost 16) had a toddler’s view of what it meant to go visit Aunt Rebecca aka Antra Becca. He came to visit me to ‘buy food, make food, eat food.’ Apparently that’s what we Johnson girls are famous for! Oh how this rings even truer for me this days!!

I grow so incredibly tired of making baby food. They eat -a lot! 3 babies, 3 meals a day. Lots of cooking, lots of pureeing, lots of freezing, lots of thawing, lots of portioning between the three. Lots of the using the word lots. You get the drift. I think I’m to the point that if someone offers to help us, I’m going to suggest they make or buy baby food for us! I spend about and hour a day making food – washing veggies, cooking, pureeing, portioning it out into bowls, labeling, cleaning up the mess.

There are days that I feel like my whole world revolves around food. I’m always producing food, dispensing food via nursing, making food, pureeing food, buying food, planning food, freezing food, thawing food, spooning food, and wiping up food, all for three babies that are so much more demanding than I ever could’ve imagined. And when I’m not involved with their food, I’m working on breakfast, lunch, and dinner for Doug and Audrey – buying, cooking, plating, cleaning. And yet, it’s funny sometimes when I realized at about 4:30-5pm each day how little food I’ve actually been able to consume for myself! If ever there was a time where I’m being tested to live up to my nickname ‘the kitchen diva’, now is that time!

Logistics of feeding the trips
We just conquered adding a 3rd meal into the day for the itty-bitties. It’s so not as easy as I think most folks think it is or should be. I can’t just feed them at every meal we have. For one thing, we’d never be able to eat ourselves during a meal if we were feeding them. And we don’t have the space in our house to sit at the table with 3 high chairs all within reach. We’ll better be able to do have them join us at meals once they start putting food into their own mouths. Because I border on having enough milk for the babies, the 3rd nurser is always not quite satisfied, needing a little more food after nursing. Since they nurse 5x/day, I can’t just feed the babies solid food at 3 of the nursing times, because that would leave 2 nursing times where a baby would be nursing last and be pretty mad at their smaller portion of milk. – Incidentally, this is one of many, many things that just makes having 3 babies different than having 1 or 2 and where nursing 3 babies is way different than nursing just 1 or even 2 – So, I’ll show you our CRAZY whacked out schedule. Not that anyone will really follow this, but it’ll be funny for me to look back at this blog post in years to come and reminisce on our complicated lives.

Day 1:
1st feeding – Nurse Caleb and Charlie first, Alayna last. Solids for Alayna and Caleb.
2nd feeding – Nurse Alayna and Charlie, Caleb last. Solids for Caleb and Charlie.
3rd feeding – Nurse Caleb and Alayna, Charlie last. Solids for Charlie and Alayna.
4th feeding – Nurse Charlie and Caleb, Alayna last. Solids for Alayna.
5th feeding – Nurse Alayna and Charlie, Caleb last, Solids for Caleb and Charlie.

Day 2:
1st feeding – Nurse Caleb and Alayna, Charlie last. Solids for Charlie and Alayna.
2nd feeding – Nurse Charlie and Caleb, Alayna last. Solids for Alayna and Caleb.
3rd feeding – Nurse Alayna and Charlie, Caleb last. Solids for Caleb and Charlie.
4th feeding – Nurse Caleb and Alayna, Charlie last. Solids for Charlie.
5th feeding – Nurse Caleb and Charlie first, Alayna last. Solids for Alayna and Caleb.

Day 3:
1st feeding – Nurse Alayna and Charlie, Caleb last. Solids for Caleb and Charlie.
2nd feeding – Nurse Caleb and Alayna, Charlie last. Solids for Charlie and Alayna.
3rd feeding – Nurse Caleb and Charlie first, Alayna last. Solids for Alayna and Caleb.
4th feeding – Nurse Alayna and Charlie, Caleb last. Solids for Caleb.
5th feeding – Nurse Caleb and Alayna, Charlie last. Solids for Charlie and Alayna.

Then repeat the cycle again of day 1, day 2, day 3……..

Each feeding time takes roughly an hour and 15 minutes. I nurse two at a time. Burp them. Go get them involved in playing. Then make up plates for the babies. I feed two babies in the high chair. Clean them up and put the dishes in the dishwasher. I change all 3 of their diapers. Then I nurse the last baby and burp him/her. Wahla! All fed, all clean, and a simple back-ache and sweat fest for me!

Where the right perspective makes all the difference!
Ah yes, I know. It’d be sooooo much simpler to not breastfeed, but I’d be spending tons of $$ on formula and not be giving them all the antibodies and specially designed food perfectly suited for their little bodies. Yes, I could just pump and give them bottles and split the milk evenly between the babies. But I’d be missing out on the bonding time with my children. And I’d not produce as much milk via a pump as I would with a precious baby in my arms! Plus I’d have to buy and wash lots of bottles. And it would be sooooooo much simpler to just buy baby food. But that costs money. Money my family doesn’t have. And this way I know exactly what’s in our babies’ food and it’s perfectly to the consistency they need. I get to make great concoctions like garlic chicken, zucchini and roasted red peppers. Tell me you’ve seen that in a jar, let alone for an affordable price!

You see – life would be soooooo much more simpler to not have my triplets. But life would be so empty, so full of pining and longing. And a freezer in Minnesota would have 3 little lives suspended in time, with no opportunity to be taught about a Savior. I didn’t have my children to be loved, but in order to love. With my 4 children, God has given me just what He wants me to have. What I CAN handle. What this world needs. This world needs Audrey, Alayna, Caleb, and Charlie to love the Lord with all their hearts, soul, mind, and strength. For now, this involves a Momma who produces milk, purees homecooked food, changes diapers, and wipes spit up with a happy heart. I must not merely survive these days – but thrive. I must go about my days working heartily unto the Lord so that my children see Christ in me. I must give them the right, healthy start in life to have the energy to serve God. I must save our family’s money so that they learn responsibility, stewardship, and self control. And if that starts with breastfeeding and homemade food, then those tasks must become sacred to me.

Alayna is still our most observant. Her little head is always spinning trying to stay abreast of all the activity in the room. Doug says that if you shine a light in her mouth, she could be a lighthouse! Alayna has the cutest little nose crinkle when she smiles really big. She is army crawling quickly around the house. Over the past several weeks she has become more vocal, babbling and screeching in delight. She has learned to wave Hi weeks ago, and is begging to clap her hands. She also plays peekabo with her blanket. Her favorite toys are her socks and her lovey. She is the best eater. She opens her mouth wide and sits very still, never making a mess. She’s figured out how to play with and start her crib soother. She is the best napper. Night time has gotten better and she rarely screams. Praise the Lord for that answered prayer! Alayna is the most precious kisser. She gives me kisses every night when I tell her goodnight. Sometimes she’ll give me a kiss when I ask her to! Love her wet, slobbery kisses. She has 2 teeth. She adores screaming. It’s a fun little game for her. She has learned to tip her head forward when I do, so that our foreheads touch. This is a sweet little game she enjoys.

Her eczema is still problematic for her. We got her tested for food allergies. On day 4 of eating bananas, she broke out in hives and facial swelling. Her eyes got bloodshot and one even started to swell shut. We rushed her off to the ER and immediately saw our pediatrician. The doctor ordered testing, which revealed she is mildly allergic to peanuts, milk and eggs. They tested for bananas, and although it came back negative, the doctor believes it is a false negative. He wants her to see an allergist, closer to being 1 year old, and eat bananas in their office, with a doctor nearby (due to the severity of her reaction). For now, I’m putting off milk and eggs until closer to a year. The doctor thinks it would be ok to give her some whole milk yogurt now and just watch for any adverse reactions. I’ve yet to try it, because I’m a little nervous. Our doctor didn’t think it was a big deal that my diet consists largely of milk, eggs, and peanuts, but in the back of my head, I wonder if that is what’s causing her eczema.

Caleb is always on the move. He’s crawling all over at the speed of light. He also pulls up and stands at everything. Last week, he even made it up on the 2nd step of a staircase. His physical skills are much more advanced than the other two. He still hates to have his eyes covered. When it come to eating, he pitches a conniption fit when it comes time to clean his face off after eating. And apparently I have yet to feed him enough food! He can consume 6-9 oz of solid food and nurse and still cry as if he’s not satisfied. Caleb is the most ticklish and is most easily entertained by little games of ‘gotcha’ or ‘boo’ and sounds that animals make. Audrey loves to get him giggling. He still loves his swing and watching the fish mobile hanging over his swing. Caleb isn’t as big into giving kisses as the other two. In fact, he’s only kissed me once. Caleb’s favorite activity has now become thievery. He’s only happy to have someone else’s pacifier (even if he’s sucking on his own) and to play with a toy in Alayna or Charlie’s hands. Crazy little heathen! Although I admire his tenacity, I’m already wearing myself out trying to nip his robbing tendencies in the bud. He is quite aggressive the way he grabs at the other two, climbs on them, and sits on them. I’ve noticed that Caleb’s nails grow faster than the other two. Strange. He still noticeably weighs less than Alayna and Charlie, even though I feed him more than the other two. I think he’s leaner than the other two because he is so active. Caleb has 2 bottom teeth and 2 top teeth and 2 in a red swollen puff, ready to descend soon.

Charlie is still my smiley boy. He remains a passionate little guy – super happy when he’s happy and super angry and out of control when angry or being ornery. Finally, Charlie is army crawling! For so long, he would just raises his arms and legs off the floor, balancing on his tummy, flailing his arms and legs a mile a minute. He looked a little like a fish, and with all his grunting and groaning, we felt so badly for the little guy when he was working so hard and not getting anywhere! He is starting to try to pull up on things. Charlie is the worst napper. Someday he wears me out with his crying, and waking after only 20 minutes or so. It’s obvious he is very tired, but he fights sleep like a champion. I’ve noticed that Charlie’s nose and ears get dirtier than the other two, which is another strange thing to notice. Charlie loves his pacifier. It’s his favorite toy. Most of the time he likes to suck on it upside down. Pretty funny looking. Charlie has 4 teeth that all came in within a span of about 3 weeks. Since his hair on the top has gotten quite long, we now are able to brush it over. No more hair sticking straight out on the top of his head. I miss it. He’s the best independent player.

All 3 of the babies really love our doorway jumper. They are crazy, hard jumpers! They’ve been know to jump in there for an hour! They all still adore Audrey and give her the majority of their laughs. We always think it’s funny how much they love to play super close to each other. They’ll have the whole room to themselves, and yet play all on top of each other. Sometimes they sit on each other and love it. Other times, they get quite frustrated with each other!

We introduced them to sippy cups about 3 weeks ago. They are still nursing 5 times a day and heavily depend on 4 naps a day, each lasting 1-2 hours. We still go through about 20 diapers a day. I make all our own baby food, since we can not afford to buy prepared food. I do also enjoy making it for quality purposes. So far, the order of their food has gone like this: avocado, sweet potato, banana, peas, green beans, acorn squash, spinach, carrots, blueberries, chicken, applesauce, kale, chickpeas, butternut squash, peaches, pork, pears, and now cauliflower. Because food allergies have been an issue, I wait 5-6 days before introducing new foods . I also hold strictly to not letting the babies sample things on my plate or whatever is in my hand. I have started introducing them to spices! Cumin, cinnamon, and fresh grated nutmeg. Since I am ‘the kitchen diva’, I figure I better start them soon on loving herbs and spices! Garlic and pepper will be coming soon, I’m pretty sure.

We transitioned our dining room into a play room. For a while we tried to barricade them in the family room, but they would always outsmart me, and squeeze out under the coffee table or by crawling through the exersaucers.

See what I mean??

So – this is our dining room now. The play yard finally allows me to make a meal without stopping to wash my hands a thousand times to return a baby back to the play area! When we play in the play yard with the babies, they enjoy climbing all over us as if we are jungle gyms!

Audrey got her ears pierced! It was a big step for her. She has been wanting to do it for years, but has been paralyzed by fear. Finally, we had a nice l..o..n..g life lesson about fears. Doug helped her make a pros and cons list of reasons to do it. We prayed about, applied Scripture, agreed on some fear management skills, and set a date to do it, so that she wouldn’t just keep putting it off and letting fear build indefinitely! And she did GREAT! I was so proud of her. She got a little afraid as the lady was coming at her with the piercer gun, but we prayed, recited some verses and proceeded. She was emotional when it was over, because she was overjoyed at how God had helped her, that it didn’t hurt as badly as she had feared, and that momma and daddy were right on all accounts! (SCORE for us!!)

Audrey has been doing very well at her typing course she began in January. She has started going to Grammy’s house 1 day a week for some artsy/crafty time with her. Science remains as her favorite subject. She completed her first ‘research’ paper on the life of William Clark (of Lewis & Clark) and enjoyed that greatly. She has enjoyed learning to feed the triplets, which is another big help to us.

This house is a good mess
It’s the proof of life
no way would I trade jobs
but it don’t pay overtime

wake up, little sleeper
the Lord, God Almighty
made your Mama keeper
so rise and shine, rise and shine
rise and shine cause

everything is sacred
and all this time
everything I’ve dreamed of
Has been right before my eyes!

Sung by Caedmon’s Call

Words and Music by Randall Goodgame and Andrew Osenga
(c) 2007 House of Mirrors Music (ASCAP) admin. by Simpleville Music, Inc. / 2007 Mighty Molecule Music. (ASCAP) admin by Music Services

1 – I cry. I do. It’s not just the babies that cry around here. Sometimes it’s just because I’m so tired. Other times it’s because I’m overly emotional, we watch The Little Princess, or I remember some random memory. Sometimes I weep over the idea that I even have 4 kids as an infertile wife. Other times, I’m so overwhelmed – either with all the pressures on me or from all the prayers God has answered. And sometimes I cry because I’m so fearful. Fearful that I won’t be all that I want to be for my husband and children.

2 – I’ve had to ask for help. I want to do it all on my own. I thought by now I would be doing it on my own. But alas, I’m in over my head. I still depend on my folks a fair amount. I know. My mom has already accomplished her mothering years. I’m the last one of her kids to have a baby and she’s already helped out with the births of lots of other grandkids. And now I went and surprised her with triplets. I’m probably taking years off her life and wearing her down straight to her core. But the simple fact is, there is no one Doug and I would want more to help us care for our children. And there is no one better with babies, than my mom. When she comes, she doesn’t just give help to the babies, she supports and helps maintain the entire family. I’ve no doubt that my mom is helping my marriage, my health, my sanity, Doug, Audrey, the pets, and the babies!

I also have a nanny. Oh yeah. I’ll admit that too. I never wanted to be that kind of a mom, as I pictured them to be somewhat lazy, pretentious ladies who’s solution simply lie in just needing to give her children her all. While there may be some women out there like that, it didn’t take too long for me to see that my best, wasn’t good enough. The housework was getting too neglected. I couldn’t help Audrey with homeschooling. I couldn’t ever get a nap, manage my health problems, and get to physical therapy 3-4x/week. So, I hired someone. I feel like I can’t afford to do it…..but I can’t afford to not do it. We pray that God supplies the finances and that we wean off of her help soon. I thought she’d be done with us by Christmas……but hmmm, my calendar now says January.

3 – My house is often messy. I know – me? You can’t imagine what a huge leaf I’ve turned over. My OCD desires to vacuum every day and never let laundry accumulate into my color-coded hampers. My love for wiping up counters, sinks and stovetops have all gone out the window. I’ll admit my van is nasty. I couldn’t vacuum it out and wipe down the dash with my big belly during the pregnancy and with the c-section afterwards, so it still hasn’t gotten done. I’ve got little (some big) piles of clutter sitting around needing organizing. Some projects went undone during the pregnancy bed rest, remained undone when the babies came a bit unexpectedly, during the 17 day long hospital stay, and round the clock nursing. And call me crazy, but I’ve just decided that it’s not that important any more. Gasp! Sure, I have moments when I obsess and complain about the messes, but I’ve decided that when Doug gets home in the evenings, I’d rather be a family and spend time with Audrey, and do family devotions, than attack every fur ball on the floor, every stray cup in the sink, every burpcloth that has been erped-up on.

4 – I live in the land of guilt. My mind is constantly bogged down with idle thoughts of guilt. I wish this. I wish that. I should’ve done this. I should’ve done that. I would have loved to have this and that. I can’t believe I ….. If only….. And my most common phrase is, ‘I’m sorry….’ I worry I’m a disappointment to everyone. I wonder if I’ve drained our church, extended family, Audrey and Doug of all their patience and help. I war with myself over everything, because everything seems to boil down to cost vs. time. Sometimes I spend the extra time to do something and lament the time I’m taking away from other things. In other areas, I spend the extra money so I’ll have the time, but feel guilty how I’m financially stressing the family. I had lots of time during the long weeks of bedrest during my pregnancy to dream up how I thought life would be when the babies were born. I had some ideas that were up for debate, some that were non-negotiable, and some that were no- brainers, some that weren’t an issue at all. However, all that has turned upside down, and I feel terrible that things aren’t the way I wanted, promised, or worked for them to be. I am tempted to keep in the forefront of my mind examples of women who do things better – women who made it further into their pregnancies, women who don’t hire help, women who save money by using cloth diapers, etc.

5 – I wonder what other people think of me. Grrrrr. So often, I’m a closet people pleaser. Because I have a strong propensity for analyzing and cataloging everyone’s opinions, I ‘m keenly aware of my actions and what I think others are thinking of me, based on previous conversations I’ve had with them. So many people have given me advice about child-rearing, breastfeeding, cloth vs disposable diapers, vaccines, sleeping schedules, bringing babies to church, etc. I get the idea that most folks don’t think my life is as busy as I do! People throw out little tips to me that Doug and I snicker about it private. So many people have these quick little ideas that start with, ‘you should try…","all you’d have to do is…." And everyone’s tips start with the most aggravating word, "just!" Just do this. Just try that. Guess, what? It’s JUST not that easy with 3 infants. We know! This leads into my next issue….

6 – I get annoyed with so many people. So many folks try to relate, give us advice, share random anecdotal stories, and say they understand. I want to be patient. I want to assume the best of people. I want to work hard to evaluate others’ comments for nuggets of truth and wisdom. And I know that people can have good advice about a situation without going through it. But when a mom of one or two children tell me they know exactly how I feel about being tired and having to get up in the night with their kids, I have to believe that getting up 3x as often in the night has to be more difficult. I want to ask them if they really understand what it’s like to have one baby wake the others until they are all screaming and there is only one of you to three crying babies! When folks say they share in my dilemma of how to get to the grocery store, I wonder when the last time they had to figure out how to finagle 3 infant seats at once. And really, don’t tell my about your nursing struggles. I’m one person trying to meet the needs of 3 others all at the same time. When’s the last time you did that?

7 – I don’t count my blessing like I ought. I will say, not a day goes by that I’m not struck with the reality of the miracle God has brought into Doug’s and my life. I mean really – 4 kids! Triplets. How does an infertile, chronically ill girl have 4 children? Sometimes the funniest, most random things will either make me giggle or weep in disbelief. Sometimes, it’s the massive collection of breastmilk and baby food in the freezer. Sometimes, it’s the line up of carseats. Other times, it’s the sounds of three crying babies. But just having these infrequent, random realizations doesn’t mean I’m nearly as grateful to God as I should be. I need to be more purposeful and regular with my praise and thanks. When I’m frustrated with my small house, I need to remember that I have a shelter from the cold. When I tire of all the laundry, I should be glad I don’t have to go down the river with a washboard. When I get sick of making baby food, I should be thankful I didn’t also have to plant and plow the fields to get that food. And when I fear I cannot afford all the expenses of triplets, I should be so grateful for Doug’s job. When I tire of, get frustrated with, or not know how to instruct my children, I should recall those many, many years that I was without children- begging God, pining for, and paying in order to have them. This lack of gratitude is a huge, shocking disappointment to me. How could I not be so grateful for the one thing I worked for the hardest, prayed for most earnestly, and paid for most costly?

8 – I neglect the Word. It’s one of my greatest shames. His Word should be my greatest love, my greatest resource, my greatest hope, my greatest solution to all my troubles. But in my sin, I deceive myself into thinking that I’ll pray and read later or tomorrow. I convince myself that it’s more important to fold laundry, feed my family, or get rest instead of read my Bible. I’ve even found myself asking God why He’s given me so many responsibilities, that He hasn’t provided me the opportunity to obey. Pretty low-down and dirty of me, huh? While I recognize my sin in neglecting my relationship with my Lord, I wrestle and anguish over how to practically read and pray. One major problem is that I cannot stay awake. If I’m not moving, I fall asleep. And even while moving, many actions I do are done mindlessly – so tired that I make mistakes and can’t remember later what I’ve actually done. I thought carrying 3 babies in my womb was super-human. I thought nursing all 3 was pretty super-human. But indeed, devotions, seem to be my most difficult battle.

9 – I’m a big, fat sinner. That’s what all of this boils down to. I’m impatient, unkind, selfish, rude, distrusting, undisciplined, and weak. I’m desperately in need of grace! There are so many promises and principles in Scripture I need to cling to. I must remember that I’m indeed a sinner, and the only value I possess is because Christ lives in me. The bad in me is me. The good in me is not me. I’m worthless in every way, incapable of any good, without the work of His Spirit through me. I’m not even capable of doing good in my own strength. I remember the song we sing, ‘His grace clothes me with power to do what is right.’ When I feel like obedience in not possible, I must cling to the verse that nothing is impossible with Him. I must remember that Christ knows exactly what I’m going through. He is the only One who can really relate. On my worst days, I can find comfort that He endured far worse. And on my best days, I can find hope that so much greater awaits me.

Maybe being a supermom is way overrated. The only moms I know who even come close are those who humbly and totally depend on an omnipresent, all-knowing, all-seeing, eternal, loving super God!

Let me try to give you some summaries and hit all the high points since my last post.

AUDREY
Audrey is doing amazing with her school work. She is still loving Bob Jones Press distance learning program. She is pulling in all A’s and we couldn’t be more proud of her. God has given her a very creative brain! She continues to spend the majority of her days with the triplets. I know I say it in every post, but she is the best big sister and helper! At times I just have to chuckle in disbelief that she’s actually only 8 years old! She’s so consistently wonderful that I fear I’ll come to take it for granted. At times I almost fret over how little she requires discipline. I wonder if I’m overlooking something. Or maybe that I’m just in for it when she become a teenager. Or just maybe those tremendously trying years of so much discipline in her 3-5′s actually is resulting in the mother-load of joyful reaping!

ALAYNA
Alayna’s biggest accomplishment has been screaming. I do mean SCREAMIING! She’s spent hours honing in her skill of sounding like someone’s sawing off an appendage of hers. It’s astounding that her little round face, pudgy cheeks, and great big eyes can be the source of such vile sounds. Love her – don’t love the screaming. She still screams out at least 2x each night. There is never a lead up of fussing. Instead she bursts into shrill screams that terrify us. She just figured out last week how to roll from her back to her tummy. She still is more observant than the other two. In fact, we joke that one of these days, she’s going to turn her head an entire 360 degrees so she doesn’t skip a beat! She nurses the quickest and is the most easily distracted. She also likes to stand (with assistance) more than the others. She wants to do everything from a standing position – even be burped. She is dreadfully afraid of unfamiliar faces and can’t seem to warm up to friends and family with any amount of time. She has got quite a bit of eczema on her legs and head. Poor baby has learned various methods for itching her head! Last week at their 6 month check-up she cut her first tooth and weighed in at 13lbs even. She is the longest of the three.

CALEB
Caleb is the MOVER in the group. Holy smokes can he roll and roll. He rolls in both directions very quickly. Last week he began getting up on his hands and knees and rocking. The last couple of days he’s gotten onto his hands and knees and propels himself forward with a big thrust smack into a face plant on the floor. We’ve had to stop swaddling his arms in his swaddler at night since he can roll so much. We’ve also instituted the stern ‘Be Still!’ when we change his diaper or get him dressed, otherwise it’s an impossible task, or I fear he’ll fling himself off the changing table. Caleb really loves our dog, Sadie. Strangely, Sadie really only pays attention to Caleb. Every now and again, Sadie steals a little lick on his hands or toes and Caleb coos back at her! Caleb is happiest right before bed time. He loves to laugh and be tickled and talk right after he nurses, just before Doug puts him in his crib. He is still the best sleeper at night, rarely if ever, cries out at night. Most of the time we have to wake him in the morning for breakfast. He is the first to discover tags on toys and blankets! Caleb is still very afraid of things being near his eyes – blankets, shirts, hair, or water. We have to plan and time precisely getting his shirts on and off very quickly so that he doesn’t freak out. Of all the kids, Caleb most enjoys his feet. He’d prefer his toes over any toy, guaranteed. Last week, Caleb surprised us with 2 teeth on the same day, without any warning or usual signs of fussiness. He weighed in at 13lbs 3 oz. Because he is so mobile/active, he looks the leanest.

CHARLIE
Charlie is still my big smiler. As soon as that boy is half way awake, he starts flashing smiles. He’s not discriminatory with the smiles either – family, friends, strangers, you name it – Charlie grins! He seems to enjoy his toys more than the others and smiles at them all the time. He is more social than the other two. He loves to reach out for, smile at, and coo to Alayna and Caleb. He is more fair skinned than the other two. He can sit up for about 20 seconds, which the others cannot. Charlie likes to nap on his back now. That was kind of a painful process – for so long he could roll from his tummy to his back and would then scream not knowing how to roll back over. My mom calls him a little ‘rolly-pollie’ because he stays all balled up when you pick him up. Often he nurses in the foot ball position with his little knees pulled up to his chest. Last night Charlie finally rolled from his back to his tummy! He still snorts from time to time, potties while you change his diaper, burps like crazy, and makes us laugh. He responds most to music. The last 2 1/2 weeks have been pretty rough for Charlie. He’s been fussing a bunch, lethargic, enjoying much cuddling, and not napping well. He has yet to cut a tooth, so I’m wondering if this is his problem. Charlie weighed in last week at 13lbs 6oz. He is also the shortest.

DAILY LIFE
I did something I thought I’d never, ever do. I let the babies have ‘lovies’. You know – those little 12 inch square blankets that basically serve no purpose. They all loved to pull burp cloths, their jammies, and blankets up around their faces. Since someone had given us 3 super-soft tiny blankets, I went ahead and gave them to the kids. Sometimes I wonder if they’ll be 8 yrs old, dragging some nasty, crusty, frayed blanket around with them. But for now, they sure love them.

Our schedule has remained the same for the last 6 weeks or so. The babies get up about 7:30am. They nurse 6 times a day, every 3 hours. Since we still cling to the eat-play-sleep cycle, they all nurse, play for about an hour and 15 minutes and then sleep for an hour to hour and half before waking to repeat the cycle. Our last feeding is about 10:45pm each night. It still takes a good hour to hour and 15 minutes for me to nurse, burp, and diaper all three babies.

Yesterday we introduced solid food! I wanted to wait until between 7-8 months. But since the babies were again not really on the growth chart, I decided to go ahead. They seemed content with just breastfeeding. None of them are ‘really’ sitting on their own. And none of them have a clue that I have a mouth, eat food, or use utensils to deliver yummies to my mouth. But, I know I’ve always been right on the edge of having enough milk for them. So, I did it! We’re not going the route of cereal. I didn’t want to fill their bellies with carbs; instead, I desired to fill them with nutrient-dense food. So, we chose avocados first. I smashed avocados with breastmilk and all seemed to take to it better than I was thinking. In fact, they seemed to enjoy it even more on day 2! Soon, I’ll be introducing bananas, egg yolks, sweet potatoes, homemade whole milk kefir, meats, green veggies, and squash. And yes, I plan to make all of the babies’ food just as I did with Audrey. Along with my views on breastfeeding, I believe homemade by Momma is best and much cheaper (especially x3!). I will thin out all of the food with pumped milk. Since about 3 months old, when they moved to about 5 hours of sleep at night, I began adding a late night pumping so that I’d have a good stash for this.

Doug and I are still feeling very busy and sleep deprived. I suppose it’s better than it was those first 2-3 months. Maybe. Although we are getting about 4 1/2-5 hours of sleep now, we are just so ‘tired’ of doing this for so long. Just this morning, we talked about how we have GOT to get more sleep. It may mean skipping some of the things we try to get done late at night once the kids are all in bed and me skipping that late night pumping. Between the tremendously physically taxing pregnancy and the care of the triplets over the last 6 months, I’ve not had 1 night of more than 6 hours of sleep in over a year. That’s pretty crazy considering my fibromyalgia really requires I get at least 10 hours of sleep each night.

11-11-11
Last Friday was 11-11-11. All my life I though that 11:11 was the niftiest time on the clock. I know, silly. Then I thought it was cool when, as a teenager, I discovered on my birth certificate that I was born at that time. Then, 16 years ago, on 11-11, Doug and I had a massively long date to discuss our intentions/future/marriage! So, Doug and I couldn’t let 11-11-11 go by unnoticed. My folks kept all 4 kids and we got a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN for 2 nights. We had so many hopes for the quick get-away. Although it was nice to be together, God had planned for us to have things go much differently than planned. Our cabin didn’t have curtains on the vast amount of windows, so it was hard to nap and sleep in with the sun shining on my face. The head of our bed was slightly lower than the rest of the mattress. Headache. Traffic was wretched, causing a simple ride to a restaurant to take over an hour. Our favorite restaurant had a line down the sidewalk just to get in, so we opted to ditch it. And most aggravating, was all the pumping. Although in the first 17 days after giving birth, I pumped a TON, I’ve not had to exclusively pump. I quickly came to understand all the meaning behind why they say babies are much more efficient and better at emptying a mom then a silly pump. Although I was able to pump a fair amount, I could never come close to emptying myself. So it was sort of a scenario of 1 step forward, 2 steps back. I kept getting more and more full every hour until I was in agony. I couldn’t hardly sleep. I woke up and pumped – hold on to your seats – 22oz and was still super full and rock solid. I thought for sure I was going to be the first woman to die by means of milk engorgement! So, plans changed and we ditched the plans we were most looking forward to, in order to come home and feed babies. We went home early, me in tears. We arrived to babies, happy to nurse. Quickly, they all became quite milk-drunk. I finally had relief, but was bruised for days and still sad at how our trip had gone. Oh well, just part of life. Life as a grown-up!

I’ll never forget my nerves. We prayed so hard that all the babies would survive the thaw. We were so elated to hear they all did. We were surprised to see there were 3 embryos. Our hearts were pretty torn up when the embryologist said, because of the quality of the embryos, we weren’t increasing our odds of having multiples by transferring all 3 into me. I felt like she was basically telling me some of my babies were guaranteed to not make it.

We kept on praying. I’m sure some thought it was funny to pray so diligently for what they would refer to as a mass of cells. Some thought they were just a shred of hope. But God knew them as Alayna, Caleb, and Charlie. We knew we were praying to a great God who created them and could sustain them. But still, we just had no idea of what God had in store for us all.

We could never have imagined that day that God would give us such a grand year. That He would grant to us 3 gorgeous babies. 3 precious embryos that are now our very own!!

By the way -  it sure is funny to go back and look at last year’s posts to see what we were thinking and feeling at the time. Now, it’s all a blurrrrrrrrr.