Doug and Rebecca Walker

Yesterday we were pleased to see that we have 3 healthy heart beats!! Even after a week of knowing there were 3 beforehand, it’s still so surreal to see them all on ultrasound! I thought about posting the pics. but it’s hard to really make anything out. Because all three don’t appear on the u/s screen at once, my printed-out pictures are split screen, making it all so confusing. But trust me, there are 3 sacs, 3 babies, 3 heart beats! Triple joy, triple fears!

They say at this point, they are each the size of a blueberry! I’ve never had 3 blueberries be so unsettling to my entire system before! 3 little blueberries sucking all the energy out of me! I don’t remember being this tired when I had Audrey. I feel at times like I’m walking around under the effects of some sort of drug. Most of my day feels a smidge like a post-surgery experience. I’m so tired, so sick to my stomach, I sorta want to eat, I’m sorta repulsed by food, and as if I have this overwhelming sense of something just feeling strange!

We did more looking around on the internet about pregnancies with multiples. Everything says that I should be much sicker than with singleton pregnancies. I should be much more exhausted. And that it’s feasible I will need maternity clothes between 8-11 weeks! My clothes are getting tight. Everyday I keep thinking, surely it’s just my imagination, but I don’t think so!

The doctor wasn’t super keen on giving me a due date, saying that it’s unrealistic for a triplet birth to get to that point. But, the usual 40wk gestation period puts me at June 16. I suppose the only saving grace that I can think of at this point, is that the earlier the babies come, the less I have to put up with the TN summer heat.

We are trying still to remain realistic that something could still happen to any of the babies. Because of that factor, Doug and I are doing no planning or having any serious thoughts to the future. We are remaining very optimistic, though, as all our hopes rest in God’s power. He’s already shocked us and shown Himself mighty, so I’ve no reason to think He won’t keep displaying His great wonders throughout this pregnancy. There are some strange thoughts/fears that if I wait too long to start planning, then I will be getting closer to the time that I might be told I need to remain on bed rest for the duration of the pregnancy. And then, I won’t have any time to plan. This is nerve racking! I can’t help but wonder how Audrey and I will finish out this school year and what the following homeschool year will bring.

In a few weeks, I will be transitioning over to a high risk OB. This makes me super sad in a way. We love our former OB. He was the kindest, most empathetic believer. He always treated us as a unique family – always sensitive of Doug, Audrey, me and a baby. I don’t love knowing I’ll be seeing a doctor that is a stranger, and may not mesh with me like my former doctor did. But, again – it’s still a few weeks off and I need to trust that God will provide and iron out all the little glitches!

I am anxious for the day I can stop doing all the injections. The progesterone in oil is wearing my down! It actually seems a little cyclical for me. I’ll have a couple days where I think my hips aren’t so sore and then all of a sudden they hurt so excruciatingly for a few days. I have a hard time rolling over a night, sitting in most chairs, and laying in the bathtub. My hips are swollen and have big knots about the size of an egg in them. I’m finding I have to carry just the right length of purse so they don’t touch my hips. I can’t lean into doors to open or close them with my hips. And I definitely hate wearing things like jeans – although I don’t think that’ll be an issue much longer. The doctor thinks that the PIO shots are also causing my headaches and dizziness. I hate that I often have to tell Audrey not to hug me so tightly or be silly and bump into me. It’s painful!!

Read Full Post »

ULTRASOUND
Tomorrow’s another ultrasound. I suppose I’m not as nervous as I was last week when we went for the first ultrasound. But I am still nervous, don’t get me wrong. I remember with my pregnancy with Audrey and with the one we lost, I would be so nervous about ultrasounds. This time, it’s so different. Because now I’m concerned for the health of 3 babies, instead of just one. It’s been a struggle to not worry over impending doom that something will eventually happen to one of the babies. I just feel like the odds are somewhat stacked against me to see all 3 babies come to a healthy, full term. But that worry is sin. I must trust that God will do what is best. He’s already proven that He can give abundant life where there had been none for so long. He gave abundantly when no one said it was possible. He is the same God that not only created them, but is sustaining them until the perfect time to call them home.

Tomorrow I’m going to go by myself to the doctor. Doug’s been in Los Angeles all week on business, so I’m going alone. Doug had said from the get-go that he wanted to be there to see with his own eyes each and every time the babies get checked. But we didn’t have a choice in the matter this week. He does come home Thursday night, so the news – good or bad – can be shared in an embrace not too far off, now.

SYMPTOMS
This week my nausea and fatigue has grown incredibly worse. I feel like I need a nap twice a day. And instead of strapping on the proverbial old feed bag, I need to have something strapped around my face, ready to go, but for a different direction the food will be going. And my erratic hiccups are getting even more obnoxious.

SADIE’S BOO-BOO

Leave it to our old, pup-a-dup, Sadie-Bell to injure herself at grandma and grandpa’s house, while Daddy is out of town. Yesterday in the late afternoon my mom and dad and I were discussing how Sadie’s had a strange claw that’s always grown at a very rapid rate, is thicker, and tends to twist. I was telling my folks that I’ve had vets look at it several times and everyone’s reassured me it’s ok. So last night when the evening started to get busy, everything kinda hit the fan all at the same time.

Mom and I were making dinner. And we had just started talking about how we needed to hurry and get my injection taken care of. All the while, the TV is alerting us with a wretched tone of all the local tornadoes. So we kept trying to keep an eye on the TV. So we decided to feed Sadie really quickly. Because she always needs to go outside immediately after she eats, we thought it best to get her fed and get her out the door before the deluge began. Immediately after Sadie ate, I heard a strange yelp from the dog and Audrey calling, ‘Mom, there’s lots of BLOOD!’ No one saw what happened but Sadie broke her strange claw right at the base. Thankfully mom and dad were there to help me!!

We had lots of blood to clean up, a bandage to rig up on her foot, get her outside (in the now-pouring rain), and then get her to be still all night. I called several vets and after hours care places, and decided it was best to have Sadie sit tight until morning to save us some money! Poor Sadie whined all night. She spent the afternoon at the vet, and came home in less pain and with a much more affective bandage than what we had rigged up for her. She’s got some meds, and looks pretty sad. Even when she is asleep next to me, her leg is just quivering like crazy.

I felt so bad that it happened at my folks’ house and inconvenienced them. But I was so thankful to have their help cleaning things up, keeping Sadie calm, standing outside in the rain with her while she tried to potty while hobbling around on 3 legs. Mom went with me to the vet this morning and helped get the dog in and out of the van. Then they picked her up from the vet, fed her, gave her pills, and took her out one more time, before Sadie literally collapsed here next to the bed. If this had happened while Doug was away and mom and dad not there, I would have been a crying, sweaty mess. And if I was sweating, I’d then be puking. And I’m certainly not able to pick her up and down right now. Another testimony to God’s provision and the kindness, generosity, and flexibility of my parents! They are always willing to help out!

Read Full Post »

Nah, I’m not talking marinades! Referring to the time we’ve had to let the news of the 3 babies sink into my brain! We’ve had a full day to attempt to grasp the scope of the bombshell that was dropped on us yesterday. Bombshell to us, yes. But to God? Nope! Psalm 139 says that God had written in His book all the days that were fashioned for me when as yet there were none of them. He knew my future and the future of the babies since before the beginning of time! He’s not been surprised or confused. The peace this truth brings is massive for us! Though not completely understood by many, we trust it, nonetheless!

In all honesty, I will admit that my mind has wandered to the most hysterical things since hearing the news of the babies. I’ve wondered about money, cars, diapers, homeschooling, the size of our house, the rotting floors, the carpets, how to nurse 3 babies, how to get the piano out of the house, how many more stretch marks I’m gonna have……..it’s crazy, trust me! I’ve got to stop thinking this way. It’s still so early. It’s ridiculous for me to fret. In fact, it’s sinful. The Lord will provide!

Our Intentions
To sorta set the record straight – Doug and I never tried to have multiples! Although we’ve wished for quite some time for several kids, we always thought it was in my best interest to only have a single pregnancy. In fact, we had talked about whether or not it would be a good idea to pursue a 3rd child if the embryo adoption resulted in just 1.

The doctor and embryologist are very cautious and responsible. They’ve only ever had 3 sets of triplets! These are not the same breed of doctors responsible for the octo-mom out there!

All of our decisions over the last few years have been saturated in prayers by us and by countless others. We’ve sought wise, godly counsel. We’ve tried to plan and make logical, good decisions that were in the best interest of Doug, Audrey, babies, and me. And when there were decisions to make that were out of our scope of analyzing, we put ourselves in the hands of doctors and specialists far more educated than we are!

This Frozen Embryo Transfer was a continuation of that process. It was unknown by everyone until thawing day how many embryos were frozen in each vial. We had said that however many were thawed, that’s how many were getting implanted. So when three were frozen together, then thawed together, all were implanted. Because of the grade given to the embryos based on their health/quality, we trusted the embryologist when she said we had no chance of triplets. Even the chances of twins were slim.

Having triplets never even was a scenario that our brains thought of. We felt like the embryologist grading of the embryos, combined with cramping and bleeding, as well as low HCG levels, meant there was no way there were three growing there.

Now – you may say, ‘come on now, we heard you say you wanted an ‘insta-family’. You’ve been praying for heartbeats."You’re right, we did. We prayed for all the babies because all were human lives with souls! No matter what the situation, we’re not hoping lives are lost so that it’s easier on us! And this was our thinking – we acted in a way that chances were most on our side to have 1 baby and were willing to take the ‘risk’ of twins. We knew that if twins happened, it was ONLY because God wanted it and would provide. And we felt if we found out there were twins, we’d be grateful to not have to make a decision down the road whether we’d try once more or not. So we didn’t try to have multiples.

It’s all rather silly that I feel the need to explain this….I think it’s another sinful fear I have that people are thinking less of me. And I think if I’m worried about having more than one, other’s must really be questioning me. But part of my reasons to explain, is to remind myself that this whole situation can only be explained by the hand of a sovereign, all-powerful God!

Fears like Moses – Delving into Exodus 3&4
I don’t know how my body will carry three babies. And I don’t know how I can physically keep up with three babies once they are born. I don’t know. It’s a terrifying thought. But thankfully, Scripture gives me many reminders of God’s provision and enabling of His children.

When God meets Moses at the burning bush and tells him to go to Pharaoh and plead the freedom of his people, Moses is scared and objects 4 times! He feels totally inadequate. When Moses thinks of his short-comings and fears possible scenarios, God continues to reassure Moses. When Moses persists, God’s anger was kindled against Moses. Moses says, ‘But who am I?" and God says "I will certainly be with you!" A second time Moses asks, " So if they ask me who is this God that sent you, what’ll I say to them?" And God responds to him, reminded Moses that "I AM WHO I AM." He reminds Moses that He is self-existent and eternal. He is the same God throughout all the ages. Again, filled with fear, Moses goes beyond asking a reasonable question and creates a hypothetical scenario, and says, "what if they don’t believe me or listen to me or trust that You were the one that came to me?" And God graciously gives him 3 ways to prove His power. 3 ways God was providing and helping Moses no matter what possible situation Moses would fear.

But then lastly, Moses says to God, "I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; But I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." I don’t want to read into this response here at all – but, I detect this hint of doubt in Moses as if he is bringing up that God had possibly overlooked this short coming in Moses. Or like, Moses thought somewhere in the process he thought he’d actually see God suddenly and miraculously transform him and empower him. So God says to Moses, "Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing or the blind? Have not I, the LORD? Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say."

When Moses finally and bluntly asks God to just choose someone else, God could’ve snatched Moses off the face of the earth is response to Moses’s fears and complaints. But God, rich in mercy, gives Moses Aaron to help him and promises to assist them. What an amazing God!

These last 24 hours, I’ve been Moses. I’ve stood at a proverbial burning bush, my eyes beholding a miracle that could only be explained by the LORD. And I’ve been afraid of others’ responses to me. I’ve feared my own inadequacies. I’ve reminded God of my health problems. But like Moses, God has made me and knows my weaknesses. He is certainly with me. And I’ve been given a husband, an extended family, and a church body all there to help me.

Doug – my rock!
In case you’re wondering how Doug’s feeling and thinking – let me take the chance to tell you what a delight he has been! One of the main reasons I love and married Doug, is because he’s so opposite of me when it comes to trusting, resting, not worrying! He always finds the good in every situation. When he sets his mind to thinking on good things, he does. And when there’s a mystery that threatens to bring fear, he finds the wonder and focuses on the blessings. When I’m concerned about a zillion problems, this man gives praise to God for miracles. When I create retarded scenarios to fret about, this man looks on the internet to find pictures of what the babies look like and marvels at all their body parts lovingly formed by God. When I fear the capabilities of my body, he reminds me of the beautiful work God has effortlessly designed x3 within my body. When my mouth won’t shut up with idle thoughts, he quiets me with kisses. And when he knows my faith is weak, he reminds me of Romans 4:18-21 how Abraham "who, contrary to hope, in hope believed, so that he became the father of many nations according to what was spoken, "So shall your descendants be." And no
t being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah’s womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened by faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform."

Great Song
I know I’ve quoted this song before, but I find it very appropriate right now.

The Lord Will Provide

Though troubles assail and dangers affright,
Though friends should all fail and foes all unite;
Yet one thing secures us, whatever betide,
The scripture assures us, the Lord will provide

The birds without barn or storehouse are fed,
From them let us learn to trust for our bread:
His saints, what is fitting, shall ne’er be denied,
So long as it’s written, the Lord will provide

We may, like the ships, by tempest be tossed
On perilous deeps, but cannot be lost.
Though Satan enrages the wind and the tide,
The promise engages, the Lord will provide.

His call we obey, like Abram of old,
Not knowing our way, but faith makes us bold;
For though we are strangers we have a good Guide,
And trust in all dangers, the Lord will provide

When Satan appears to stop up our path,
And fill us with fears, we triumph by faith;
He cannot take from us, though oft he has tried,
This heart-cheering promise, the Lord will provide

He tells us we’re weak, our hope is in vain,
The good that we seek we ne’er shall obtain,
But when such suggestions our spirits have plied,
This answers all questions, the Lord will provide

No strength of our own, or goodness we claim,
Yet since we have known the Savior’s great name;
In this our strong tower for safety we hide,
The Lord is our power, the Lord will provide

When life sinks apace and death is in view,
This word of his grace shall comfort us through:
No fearing or doubting with Christ on our side,
We hope to die shouting the Lord will provide

from All I Owe, released 07 November 2006
Words: John Newton
Music: Matthew S. Smith Pasted from <http://matthewsmith.bandcamp.com/track/the-lord-will-provide>

Read Full Post »

So everyone is asking and wanting to know how our appt went today.

We actually couldn’t have been more shocked today! It would appear that we are on our way to having triplets. Yes, you read it correctly! We immediately saw 3 sacs on ultrasound. The doctor had prepared us that we might not see heartbeats because Rebecca is not quite 6 weeks along. But we quickly saw 2 flashing heartbeats. The third sac is measuring 1 millimeter smaller than the other two. The doctor says the sac looks great and he fully anticipates seeing a heartbeat next Thursday. We are most shocked. The doctor and nurses were surprised. The embryologist was really surprised and even slightly apologetic, because she had given us basically no chance of having triplets based on the grades given on the embryos’ quality/health.

We have a tremendous amount of joy, mixed with a significant amount of fear. To be sure, Rebecca’s health is always a concern. But we know that God works all things according to His will, and for the good of those who love Him! The future is truly uncertain from our vantage point – as it’s still very possible that we could lose one or more of the babies. But God declares the end from the beginning, and we take great comfort in knowing that His plans are perfect!

Thank you all so much for your constant prayers and encouragement! You all have three new reasons to praise the Lord! He is the God who hears. He is the giver of life!

Read Full Post »

I’m getting more anxious/excited for the ultrasound next Wednesday. Sure praying for happy, healthy heartbeats.

This week has been a low-key sort of week , I suppose. I’ve been trying to rest, like the Dr said to. Trying to drink like a fish, like the Dr said to. I’ve been trying all the yeast infection meds the Dr has given me, but to no avail. I’ve had several days of spotting. If I rest all day than I’m usually fine for the next day. But if I walk through 1 store or vacuum or do a couple loads of laundry, then I wake up the next morning spotting.

Strangely enough, I’ve been having a ton of strange heart beats. It’s like skipped heart beats that take my breath away for a second. I’ve had this happen to me on a several occasions the last few years. Usually it happens when I’m tired, recovering from surgery, sick, or when I had that horrid c.diff.

I called the Dr to see if any of my Progesterone in Oil or Estrace could be blamed. Dr said that he thought I was being overly fearful of the pregnancy and that anxiety was causing my heart palpitations. Except for I don’t think I’m very fearful at all…..So I called my cardiologist. He’s a great doctor, always willing to hear my concerns, very thorough, and insistent that I not walk away until I fully understand everything.

The doctor had me wear a 24 hr heart monitor to catch the strange beats. He is thinking that there isn’t anything wrong. Many tests have been done on my heart through the years, revealing no problems, just a consistent pattern of benign episodes when my body is physically taxed or taking lots of hormones. So the cardiologist said he’d actually examine my monitor’s 24hr recording over the weekend and get back with me right away.

I had to laugh when the lady attached all the leads to my chest and says to me ‘now just try to have a normal 24 hours, just don’t sweat.’ ANYONE who really knows me can verify that this statement is the hugest contradiction. To sweat like a man pig is normal for me! In fact, Audrey got a good giggle out of the nurse’s instructions, and immediately piped up that ‘fan or no fans, my mom just always sweats!’ I’m very grateful that the Lord allowed the evening low to dip down to 48 degrees last night and our high today is only 70! Wow. My house is a pleasing 64 degrees and we are a happy family!

Sadly, due to the instructions to REST, we’ll be missing out on the church’s big weekend. It’s the annual friends and family weekend with optional camping, boating, teaching, singing, eating, and the infamous ‘talent/no talent’ show. We were really wanting to fellowship with friends, listen to the good teaching, and be a part of the singing. Fall colors are just starting to change here in East Tennessee and we were looking forward to the colors and cooler temps, as Fall is Doug and my favorite seasons. But, we’ll stay back at home and pray everyone else has a great time and hearts are changed from the power of God’s Word.

Read Full Post »

I was so incredibly relieved to hear that HCG levels are rising! The level had risen to 547 today. The nurse and Dr say that’s good and to not be concerned. I’m supposed to limit my activity level and drink lots of fluids until next Wed, the 20th, when we’ll go for an ultrasound. That will be very telling. Doug and I are praying that we’ll see several heartbeats, but it seems somewhat doubtful.

One explanation for my bleeding could just be a normal ‘unexplained’ reason. (wow, did that make sense?) But one explanation could be due to the loss of one or two of the embryos.

Doug and I have been so cautious about this pregnancy. We are very joyful, no doubt! But mixed into that is a strange pensive, somewhat sick feeling as we contemplate the life span of all the babies. Most people look at the possibility of multiples with dread. And when people hear that Doug and I would like multiples, they think we have rocks in our heads!

One reason why we’d like to have multiples is so that we’d have our ‘insta-family’! We have the children, quickly pursue a hysterectomy, and close the chapter on having kids. Sure we’d be up to our ears in diapers and our ears would ache for a reprieve from baby cries. But the 12 year long saga of how do we have kids would be over!! It would be a relief for our brains, hearts, and marriage that not many folks can truly relate with! I just can’t adequately explain that and I don’t think anyone could adequately understand that unless they’ve dealt with long-term infertility.

But the main reason we’d like to have multiples is because we saw 3 lives go in to me! We don’t want to lose one precious life!

We knew when we went into embryo adoption that lives would get lost….OH doesn’t that sound awful? But we had to give them a chance at life. We wanted to either give them life on earth learning about their Maker or help them out of their state of frozen limbo and into the arms of their Maker. I knew that losing embryos along the way would be rough, but I so under-estimated that angst.

How can we be fully happy with one life and not mourn the loss of the others? Ultrasound day will be a time of almost guaranteed anguish. We’re hoping for some hope and joy mixed in, but we will confirm then if we lost any of the babies. Blecht!

Doug, Audrey and I have all looked countless times at the pictures of the three embryos and wish so badly that we could know the state of each! We wonder which one is it that is ok? Which one has already gone to meet the Lord? Which one has yet to go? If my HCG levels were higher, I’d have more of a notion that there were several still growing strong. But maybe the levels are lower, just because. And maybe we’ll be surprised!

Please don’t look at any of our responses and think too quickly that we’re being too optimistic, too pessimistic, too contemplative, or whatever. We have a mix of it all! It’s hard to understand our hopes, fears, joys, and sorrows unless you’ve walked in our shoes. We’re just a momma and daddy that have worked so hard to find these babies. We chose each individual life. We choose to love each little life! And we choose to trust God to work out what’s best for those who’ve already gone to heaven and those of us still left behind in waiting.

Read Full Post »

Yesterday morning I started spotting. It sorta wigged Doug and I out. We called the Dr and he told me to rest all day and that he wanted to see me in the morning. So we rested a bunch, but I was disappointed to miss church and small group.

I had some more blood drawn and am now just waiting out at the house for the results. I think my heart is hoping a bunch that the babies are ok. But my mind is battling my heart telling it that I should be hoping in God – an eager expectation to see how God will provide and do what is best, even if that means this is the start of the end of their little lives.

I’m super sleepy today. Just wish I could crawl back in bed and sleep until I wake up naturally! I’m not sure why I’ve been extra sleepy lately. How could I be tired after laying on the couch ALL day yesterday? Strange. But I keep finding myself going to bed too late and then having my sleep disrupted to do early morning PIO injections. It’s all messing with me!

I’ve been fighting a yeast infection. In my stupidity, I’ve just been trying to will it away…..but that’s not working out so well. I wasn’t sure what I could take, so I did get to talk to the Dr this morning and got something to help me. I’m hoping it brings quick relief.

So I’m supposed to be ‘taking it easy’. Really, I don’t do well with vague terms like that. I have vacuuming and mopping I need to do.  I have a few load of laundry to do. Sheets need to be changed on both beds. I need to get going on our school day, then Audrey’s swim lessons….and sometime during the day, I should figure out lunch and dinner. If I do all that, I kinda think that doesn’t fit into the ‘taking it easy’ parameters!

Read Full Post »

So is everyone on the edge of their seat wanting to know what the 2nd Beta result was??

It was 141.

The first one was 75.  Normally they say in a 48 hour time period they want to see the number more than double. The Dr said the reason my numbers weren’t a smidge higher is because the first test on Wed was run in the afternoon and the second test run today was at about 8:15am. He thinks those differences in hours is the explanation for the numbers being a smidge lower. He said he’s ‘absolutely not concerned’, but he will repeat the test on Monday to set our minds at ease.

I would’ve been a little happier if the number had come back at like 350! Haha – But of course that’s what would make me happier, because that would’ve been easier for me. I suppose having that itty bitty margin screaming in my brain is just a temptation from Satan to say ‘WORRY’.  The devil is a sly ole fox!  But with God’s help, I’m not going to do that!

Keep on praying!

AUDREY
I totally wish I could be recording all of Audrey’s responses during the last 24 hours. Someday, when I’m old – which is just around the corner- I know I’ll forget these things.But that’s just part of the curse of sin, earth, and aging! I think forgetting precious moments about my chickadee is the worst part of aging!

Today she asked if we could make a sign for the mailbox saying ‘Momma’s Pregnant!’ She even thought to suggest we cover the sign in contact paper so that it’d withstand the element during the next several months. This is one of her suggestions I am going to pass on!

She’s is so excited to tell her friends on Sunday at church. She really wanted to write them a letter yesterday! She specifically is excited to tell Johanna (age 6) and then Alyssa (age 7) and her little sister Rebekah (age5). She says those friends will be most excited for our family, because they pray for us and talk to her about all this on Sundays. I mean how stinkin’ precious is that??? It’s a true testament to these family’s commitment to prayer and having honest discussions with their kids. Gives me goosebumps to know I have friends like this

Audrey just keeps saying “I’ve just never been able to say in my whole life that ‘Momma is pregnant!’ I sure hope this works out, because if it does, it’ll be SO great!”

Read Full Post »

Psalm 9:1-2 I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all Your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exalt in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

Psalm 28:1-2 Blessed be the LORD, Because He has heard the voice of my supplications! The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him.

Only to the great credit of our Creator, we are pleased to announce that a nurse called our home today to give us news that we are indeed PREGNANT!  Beta was 75, exactly 7 days out from transferring 3 blastocysts! This is fabulous news we haven’t heard in many, many years! Although we are extremely delighted, we remain quite cautious. Tomorrow the bloodwork will be repeated and the numbers need to be considerably higher to show that everything is still on track. These new blood levels will be much more assuring to us and the doctor. Then in a few short weeks, we’ll be able to have an ultrasound that will better tell us, how many of the embryos have survived. It is too early to know if more than one is still alive, but at the very least we do know someone is growing! It would be fabulous to hear that more than one has survived.

Rebecca actually had her blood drawn earlier yesterday, instead of today like originally planned. She hasn’t been feeling well this week and the doctor wanted to see her early. So we are hoping that all the sick feelings are a quick response to the pregnancy and not a sign of things starting to unravel.

Please continue to pray for our family including all 3 little ones that were transferred into Rebecca’s womb! By God’s grace in several months a little face (or faces) will be a tangible reward of the faithful prayers of our family and of our brothers and sisters in Christ!

Psalm 40:1-5

I waited patiently for the LORD;
         And He inclined to me,
         And heard my cry.
He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
         Out of the miry clay,
         And set my feet upon a rock,
         And established my steps.
He has put a new song in my mouth—
         Praise to our God;
         Many will see it and fear,
         And will trust in the LORD.
Blessed is that man who makes the LORD his trust,
         And does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.
Many, O LORD my God, are Your wonderful works
         Which You have done;
         And Your thoughts toward us
         Cannot be recounted to You in order;
         If I would declare and speak of them,
         They are more than can be numbered.

Read Full Post »

Audrey’s been rooting for this embryo transfer with enormously high hopes and dreams! She’s been vocalizing for years her desire for siblings. And with all the tears, doctor appts, prayers, questions from people, etc she understands clearly MUCH more than most kids. She understands that I am infertile. She clearly understand what embryos are, what abortions are, what adoption is, etc. And being that she is 7 – she still has the faith of a child! She completely trusts God to work miracles.

We want Audrey to love and trust God. We want her to be sure and excited about her Maker. And often when I hear her pray and see the simplicity in her beliefs, I think of Hebrew 11:1 "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." She is a great challenge to my often weak faith. It’s so simple for her to respond to the cares of this world with a somewhat ‘duh’-like response. "God can make it happen, Mom." Easy-peasy!

Sometimes I think I take an approach with God that says – ‘I know you CAN God, but I don’t think you WILL.’ And when I read James 1: 5-8, I’m deeply convicted.

‘If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.’

Although I teach Audrey about God’s omnipotence, I want her to know God’s sovereign hand. Often God says no to our desires, even good desires! He often brings trials into our lives that defy our human understanding, and yet He is a good God and is to be praised and trusted whole-heartedly!

So Audrey’s been praying, and talking, and dreaming, and hoping, and sharing, and bubbling with excitement. She’s got dreams of all 3 embryos surviving and is already trying to figure out if we’d put 3 cribs in the spareroom – changed babyroom – or if they’ll all sleep together in 1 crib… And she’ll stop in the middle of making her bed or taking her math test to voice her amazement that there are 3 extra lives in the house…..It sort of rips my heart up!

She has been praying to prepare her heart and ours for the possible loss of the babies. She keeps telling God in her prayers that whether they live or die, we trust that both are from His hand and we can choose to be happy. She waxes quite eloquent in her prayers with a child-like pleading all mixed up with a mature resolution to be content.

Tonight, she grabbed me, and yelled into my stomach "Hey you 3 embryos, if you’re still alive in there, I LOVE YOU!" Oh this one child that God has already given me, is a delight to the deepest part of my soul!

Read Full Post »