Nah, I’m not talking marinades! Referring to the time we’ve had to let the news of the 3 babies sink into my brain! We’ve had a full day to attempt to grasp the scope of the bombshell that was dropped on us yesterday. Bombshell to us, yes. But to God? Nope! Psalm 139 says that God had written in His book all the days that were fashioned for me when as yet there were none of them. He knew my future and the future of the babies since before the beginning of time! He’s not been surprised or confused. The peace this truth brings is massive for us! Though not completely understood by many, we trust it, nonetheless!
In all honesty, I will admit that my mind has wandered to the most hysterical things since hearing the news of the babies. I’ve wondered about money, cars, diapers, homeschooling, the size of our house, the rotting floors, the carpets, how to nurse 3 babies, how to get the piano out of the house, how many more stretch marks I’m gonna have……..it’s crazy, trust me! I’ve got to stop thinking this way. It’s still so early. It’s ridiculous for me to fret. In fact, it’s sinful. The Lord will provide!
To sorta set the record straight – Doug and I never tried to have multiples! Although we’ve wished for quite some time for several kids, we always thought it was in my best interest to only have a single pregnancy. In fact, we had talked about whether or not it would be a good idea to pursue a 3rd child if the embryo adoption resulted in just 1.
The doctor and embryologist are very cautious and responsible. They’ve only ever had 3 sets of triplets! These are not the same breed of doctors responsible for the octo-mom out there!
All of our decisions over the last few years have been saturated in prayers by us and by countless others. We’ve sought wise, godly counsel. We’ve tried to plan and make logical, good decisions that were in the best interest of Doug, Audrey, babies, and me. And when there were decisions to make that were out of our scope of analyzing, we put ourselves in the hands of doctors and specialists far more educated than we are!
This Frozen Embryo Transfer was a continuation of that process. It was unknown by everyone until thawing day how many embryos were frozen in each vial. We had said that however many were thawed, that’s how many were getting implanted. So when three were frozen together, then thawed together, all were implanted. Because of the grade given to the embryos based on their health/quality, we trusted the embryologist when she said we had no chance of triplets. Even the chances of twins were slim.
Having triplets never even was a scenario that our brains thought of. We felt like the embryologist grading of the embryos, combined with cramping and bleeding, as well as low HCG levels, meant there was no way there were three growing there.
Now – you may say, ‘come on now, we heard you say you wanted an ‘insta-family’. You’ve been praying for heartbeats."You’re right, we did. We prayed for all the babies because all were human lives with souls! No matter what the situation, we’re not hoping lives are lost so that it’s easier on us! And this was our thinking – we acted in a way that chances were most on our side to have 1 baby and were willing to take the ‘risk’ of twins. We knew that if twins happened, it was ONLY because God wanted it and would provide. And we felt if we found out there were twins, we’d be grateful to not have to make a decision down the road whether we’d try once more or not. So we didn’t try to have multiples.
It’s all rather silly that I feel the need to explain this….I think it’s another sinful fear I have that people are thinking less of me. And I think if I’m worried about having more than one, other’s must really be questioning me. But part of my reasons to explain, is to remind myself that this whole situation can only be explained by the hand of a sovereign, all-powerful God!
Fears like Moses – Delving into Exodus 3&4
I don’t know how my body will carry three babies. And I don’t know how I can physically keep up with three babies once they are born. I don’t know. It’s a terrifying thought. But thankfully, Scripture gives me many reminders of God’s provision and enabling of His children.
When God meets Moses at the burning bush and tells him to go to Pharaoh and plead the freedom of his people, Moses is scared and objects 4 times! He feels totally inadequate. When Moses thinks of his short-comings and fears possible scenarios, God continues to reassure Moses. When Moses persists, God’s anger was kindled against Moses. Moses says, ‘But who am I?" and God says "I will certainly be with you!" A second time Moses asks, " So if they ask me who is this God that sent you, what’ll I say to them?" And God responds to him, reminded Moses that "I AM WHO I AM." He reminds Moses that He is self-existent and eternal. He is the same God throughout all the ages. Again, filled with fear, Moses goes beyond asking a reasonable question and creates a hypothetical scenario, and says, "what if they don’t believe me or listen to me or trust that You were the one that came to me?" And God graciously gives him 3 ways to prove His power. 3 ways God was providing and helping Moses no matter what possible situation Moses would fear.
But then lastly, Moses says to God, "I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; But I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." I don’t want to read into this response here at all – but, I detect this hint of doubt in Moses as if he is bringing up that God had possibly overlooked this short coming in Moses. Or like, Moses thought somewhere in the process he thought he’d actually see God suddenly and miraculously transform him and empower him. So God says to Moses, "Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing or the blind? Have not I, the LORD? Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say."
When Moses finally and bluntly asks God to just choose someone else, God could’ve snatched Moses off the face of the earth is response to Moses’s fears and complaints. But God, rich in mercy, gives Moses Aaron to help him and promises to assist them. What an amazing God!
These last 24 hours, I’ve been Moses. I’ve stood at a proverbial burning bush, my eyes beholding a miracle that could only be explained by the LORD. And I’ve been afraid of others’ responses to me. I’ve feared my own inadequacies. I’ve reminded God of my health problems. But like Moses, God has made me and knows my weaknesses. He is certainly with me. And I’ve been given a husband, an extended family, and a church body all there to help me.
Doug – my rock!
In case you’re wondering how Doug’s feeling and thinking – let me take the chance to tell you what a delight he has been! One of the main reasons I love and married Doug, is because he’s so opposite of me when it comes to trusting, resting, not worrying! He always finds the good in every situation. When he sets his mind to thinking on good things, he does. And when there’s a mystery that threatens to bring fear, he finds the wonder and focuses on the blessings. When I’m concerned about a zillion problems, this man gives praise to God for miracles. When I create retarded scenarios to fret about, this man looks on the internet to find pictures of what the babies look like and marvels at all their body parts lovingly formed by God. When I fear the capabilities of my body, he reminds me of the beautiful work God has effortlessly designed x3 within my body. When my mouth won’t shut up with idle thoughts, he quiets me with kisses. And when he knows my faith is weak, he reminds me of Romans 4:18-21 how Abraham "who, contrary to hope, in hope believed, so that he became the father of many nations according to what was spoken, "So shall your descendants be." And no
t being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah’s womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened by faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform."
I know I’ve quoted this song before, but I find it very appropriate right now.
The Lord Will Provide
Though troubles assail and dangers affright,
Though friends should all fail and foes all unite;
Yet one thing secures us, whatever betide,
The scripture assures us, the Lord will provide
The birds without barn or storehouse are fed,
From them let us learn to trust for our bread:
His saints, what is fitting, shall ne’er be denied,
So long as it’s written, the Lord will provide
We may, like the ships, by tempest be tossed
On perilous deeps, but cannot be lost.
Though Satan enrages the wind and the tide,
The promise engages, the Lord will provide.
His call we obey, like Abram of old,
Not knowing our way, but faith makes us bold;
For though we are strangers we have a good Guide,
And trust in all dangers, the Lord will provide
When Satan appears to stop up our path,
And fill us with fears, we triumph by faith;
He cannot take from us, though oft he has tried,
This heart-cheering promise, the Lord will provide
He tells us we’re weak, our hope is in vain,
The good that we seek we ne’er shall obtain,
But when such suggestions our spirits have plied,
This answers all questions, the Lord will provide
No strength of our own, or goodness we claim,
Yet since we have known the Savior’s great name;
In this our strong tower for safety we hide,
The Lord is our power, the Lord will provide
When life sinks apace and death is in view,
This word of his grace shall comfort us through:
No fearing or doubting with Christ on our side,
We hope to die shouting the Lord will provide
from All I Owe, released 07 November 2006
Words: John Newton
Music: Matthew S. Smith Pasted from <http://matthewsmith.bandcamp.com/track/the-lord-will-provide>